


Coming Back As We Are

by Thebigbadwolfandlittlered



Series: Science and Progress Do Not Speak as Loud as My Heart [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Carol is his sponsor, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Tony Stark Has A Heart, alcoholic, dealing with alcoholism, he really is, he's getting better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 13:57:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7225111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thebigbadwolfandlittlered/pseuds/Thebigbadwolfandlittlered
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Recovering alcoholic Tony Stark is trying to navigate his life after the Sokovia Accords. With the help of his sponsor Carol, he might just make it through a better man. If only he'd stop making excuses for Steve Rogers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coming Back As We Are

**Author's Note:**

> So I heard RDJ's cover of the Scientist and lord I couldn't stop myself from writing this if I tried.
> 
> I want Tony to be happy and better but I know that when you're suffering from PTSD and so many other things it takes time.
> 
> Shoutout to the comics where Tony is actually Carol's sponsor.
> 
> (This might be a series because I want to explore Tony meeting Steve after all this but idk I'm unreliable.)

“I don’t like the idea of you rattling around a mansion by yourself.” The words wrung in Tony’s head as he walking through the entryway of an empty mansion. This wasn’t any mansion of course, he had to go big and go home. This mansion was his childhood home. He’d lived here up until the accident- no. It wasn’t an accident. He set aside the hole in his chest as he walked over the marble floors. Everything had a thin layer of dust coating it like a worn out blanket. Things were mostly where they’d been left, this was the only property that no one at Stark Industries had gotten their hands on- including Obie.

Tony shook his head and kept walking. He hadn’t been on this property in… at least 15 years. He came to a hallway and at the end was a cabinet full of liquor. Each bottle costing quite a shiny penny at the time of purchase. A part of his mind easily counted the worth of some today.

“ _It wasn’t worth it._ ”

He clenched a fist and closed his eyes as he counted prime numbers up to 1000. Counting to ten doesn’t help a genius much.

It’s been 15 years since he’d stepped foot in this mansion. And it's been seven months since he’d last taken a drink. His sponsor found it impressive considering that he quit after his breakup, and that the Sokovia Accords were five months ago.

He breathed out and reminded himself that if he wasn’t going to drink then, he definitely wasn’t now.

Tony walked past the cabinet without a second glance but only found the next trigger.

* * *

 

**Six months and eight days earlier.**

 

“A trigger?”

“Yeah. Something that sets you off. Makes you want to drink again.”

Tony opened his mouth-

“More than usual.”

“So you’re telling me there are things out there that would make me feel worse about being sober then right now?”

“Yep. Life sucks sober. But not as much-”

“As it sucks at rock bottom. I know.”

“Aw look at that, you’re learning!”

* * *

 

**Present day.**

 

Tony walked up to the piano and drug a finger through the dust. He looked at it a second before wiping it off on his jeans. He moved to sit down at the bench and just looked at the keys.

“ _Try to remember the kind of September…_ ”

He looked up and closed his eyes to try and keep the wetness out. This would have been so much easier five months ago. He breathed in deep and then moved his hands to hover over the keys. He probably couldn’t handle… that song without some sort of attack, so an emotional teenager song would have to do. He chuckled with no real feeling as Carol’s words came to mind. Hell, he wouldn’t even know this song if it wasn’t for her.

* * *

 

**Four months and two weeks ago.**

 

“If you think about it, it is almost exactly like a breakup. Just with more violence.”

“You’re my sponsor not my relationship counselor.”

“So you admit there was a relationship!”

“Carol- I- no. There wasn’t.”

“But you wanted there to be.”

“I was with Pepper. I loved her.”

“Oh, Tony.”

“I loved her.”

“You loved him too, didn’t you?”

“Do you remember that little talk about triggers?”

“I’m making you a breakup playlist.”

“Why didn’t I get one of those for my actual breakup?”

“Because Pepper was a good person and I knew you’d be okay. Steve’s an asshole.”

“Carol he was-”

“Doing what he thought was right whatever yeah yeah.”

“You’re still making it aren’t you?”

“So far I have Fuck You by Lily Allen and Gives You Hell.”

“When did you even pull out your laptop?!”

* * *

 

**Present Day.**

 

The first press of his fingers proved that the piano was indeed very old and out of tune. But that didn’t stop Tony from continuing. This was a form of therapy wasn’t it? He felt like Carol would say that.

He fumbled over the keys as he tried to play a song by ear on an untuned piano. After a moments he fell into the rhythm. He wasn’t called brilliant for nothing. When he got through a few more seconds he felt confident enough to sing the words.

“Come up to meet you-”

* * *

 

**Four months ago.**

 

“What are you working on down here?”

“Carol how did you even get in?”

“Why do you ask questions you don’t want to know the answer too?”

Tony shook his head and moved back to his project.

“Tony is that an arm.”

He choose not to say anything.

“You’re building Barnes an arm.”

He sighed and put his head in his hands.

“I- he- it was-”

“Tony no it’s okay. You feel guilty. That’s okay.”

“Is it fucked up that I do? Just another fucked up thing about me?”

“No. It’s a human thing about you. You know what else?”

Tony just moved his hands to look at her.

“It means you’re learning. It means you’re growing. You’re doing in months what that man didn’t do in almost a century.”

“It’s not his fault he was-”

“I know Tony. Steve was doing what he thought was right.”

* * *

“ _Tell me your secrets_ ”

* * *

 

**Three months and two weeks earlier.**

 

“Tony? Tony!”

“Don’t- don’t worry I didn’t drink anything.”

“Oh my god, Tony.”

She took him into her arms. On the floor along with many papers and pieces of metal was a round shield.

“He- he lied. For years-”

“I know, I know.”

“He knew- and he- he thought that it was okay.”

“Shh, I know.”

“He thought he was doing the right thing. He thinks one day I’ll- I’ll understand. Like I’m a child and I’m not old enough yet.”

Again quieter, “I know.”

“Carol?”

“Yeah?”

“He wasn’t right.”

“I know.”

“I want a drink.”

“I know.”

* * *

 

**Present Day.**

 

“ _Nobody said it was easy, it’s such a shame for us to part._ ”

Tony wanted to start over. Do it again. From his parents, to Yinsen. From Pepper to the Avengers. The Sokovia Accords. The fight.

* * *

**One month earlier.**

 

“Hello?”

“I want to call him.”

“One second-”

“Carol, don’t do it-”

“Dear Future Tony,”

“Carol-”

“You are receiving this message because you want to call one Steven Grant Rogers. Well, that sucks. Don’t do it. He sorta sucks and yeah maybe he was doing what he thought was right, but so were you. You were doing what you thought was right and he never extended the same courtesy and kindness to you.”

“I hate when you read me my past letter.”

“And he doesn’t deserve a friend as good and pure as you. You’re a precious cinnamon roll. Too pure for this world. If he wants you or your fine dick he’ll have to call you himself.”

“Now I am 100% sure my past self did not write that.”

“Excerpt by Carol Danvers.”

“Beautiful. Write a book. I’ll publish it.”

“Tony?”

“Yes ma’am?”

“You’re running in circles.”

Tony let out a heavy sigh.

“I know.”

* * *

“ _Pulling the puzzles apart,_ ”

* * *

 

**Two weeks earlier.**

 

“What was he supposed to do, Carol? I was going after his best friend!”

“He sure as hell shouldn’t have tried to kill you in return.”

“He was trying to save someone I was trying to kill.”

“That’s horse shit. You wouldn’t have killed him.”

“I had just seen the biggest trigger of all who knows what I was going to do?!”

“Exactly, Tony! You were triggered. Steve was your friend. He should’ve helped you. He should have given you more than a fucking one-liner and a half assed attempt to try and reason with you.”

“That wasn’t his job-”

“Steve Rogers claims to be a hero. He fights like one. He fights on a team of them. What he did wasn’t heroic. A hero’s job is to help everyone no matter the cost. You don’t deserve less help because he hadn’t know you his whole life. You weren’t less deserving because you weren’t his best buddy. You deserved him to pull you down and tell you it would be okay until you weren’t in that state anymore-”

“Who knows if I would-”

“You deserved more than a condescending letter full of excuses and a phone with the weakest voice of ‘call me’. Tony, I’m not saying there were times you didn’t mess up. I’m not making excuses for your actions, but god I wish you’d stop making them for his.”

Silence.

“Tony?”

“I- I think you’re right.”

“Yeah, if only everyone on my base thought so too. Say Captain America’s an asshole and no one believes you.”

* * *

**Present Day.**

 

It took him a lot of time, and a lot of hard work to get here.

“ _No one ever said it would be so hard,_ ”

He had made mistakes. Weapons. Ultron. Pepper. The Accords.

He used to think that all those things had in common was his arrogance. But now he sees the true thing they have in common: a need for peace. And when he thinks about it that is a pretty heroic trait.

Tony’s problem is always doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. And after so many talks with Carol he supposes that’s something that him and Steve have in common right about now.

He knows now that he’s worth something at least. His friendship is worth more than a piece of paper in the mail.

“If you need me, I’ll be there.” The thing is, Tony did and he wasn’t there. And he doesn’t really need Steve anymore.

Tony felt a small smile come to his face as he got to the last keys. At last, with a part of his mother and the memories of Carol he feels peace.

“ _I’m going back to the start._ ”


End file.
